Seductress
by QT Roo
Summary: Miss Parker reflects on her own loneliness...


Written by M.A.G. ~ E-mail:Gypsyroo@aol.com/MissParker000@aol.com  
Disclaimer: The Pretender is not mine; it belongs to MTM, evil NBC which canceled it, etc. Jarod belongs to Miss Parker and vice versa in my mind.  
*Note: I got an idea and this story didn't turn out how I had intended. I may amend it in the future.  
Spoilers: None  
Rating: R I guess, just to be safe   
  
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.:.Seductress.:.  


  
I was incredulous. I'm a seductress and tonight my advances were warded off. I've managed to seduce anyone, married or not. Sex has always been my weapon to get what I want. It's always been effective in the past. Sure, the physical act was fulfilling, but I was always empty after. I was empty as I had been before. None of those men meant anything. I used them to get the information I needed and to try to temporarily fill the void I felt. But what I really want, I can never have. I'll never have love. I'll never have him.   
  
I had him nailed against the wall, I wished it was literally. He was trapped and I had him, I the cat, he the mouse. And I wanted to play with my prey. I wanted to do what I had been fantasizing about as long as I can remember; I want Jarod.. I wanted sex, I wanted to fuck his brains out. Screw bringing him back to The Centre to run simulations, I wanted to keep him as my personal sex slave.  
  
No. I want more than some meaningless sex. Although, everything we have done and said to each other had a purpose and a meaning. Nothing was ever meaningless with Jarod. Jarod never did anything without thinking or planning first.With that, I mean, we know which buttons to push to spur each other on. We know one another too well. I want love. I wanted to make love to him right there in that hotel room. I wanted us to mold our bodies into one another. A two piece sculpture becoming one. And it would be beautiful. Tender. Right.......Wrong.  
  
I know he wanted me as I felt the hunger in our kisses and the growl within him as I brushed against his man hood. There was just something so erotic about him handcuffed to the bed. I don't even know how we reached that point. I was in control, or so I thought at the time.  
  
But he told me no, that he didn't want it to be like this. He pushed me away and I called him a bastard. I wanted so badly to un cuff him. At the same time, I knew it could be a ruse and he would escape and I would be the fool once again.  
  
Yes, still my thoughts went back to the task I had to do for The Centre and pleasing Daddy. I couldn't let myself go completely. That would mean trust. I trust him, as much as I can trust anyone. That doesn't say much. It's not his fault for my inability to trust. That is my father's fault and everything he stands for. I have to question everything, even myself.   
  
I had to inhibit my feelings. I couldn't let myself live out a fantasy that would amount to nothing because it couldn't. Not ever. I didn't want to bring Jarod to the Centre, but I didn't want to set him free either.  
  
I was never in control. I had my mind controlled by my father and his cohorts, and was fed nothing but lies. I was trapped at the Centre unless I captured the man I ....I what?  
  
I care about him, I have since we were children. I may even love him, but how am I supposed to know what love is? I thought I loved Thomas, but I just loved the idea of someone not knowing The Centre's Miss Parker. He didn't know what I did for a living and I liked that.  
  
How dare he refuse me! Hell, he's too much of a gentleman. And it wasn't exactly the ideal situation. I was set on bringing him in and had a gun pointed at him and handcuffed to the bed one minute, and well I was kissing and playing with his uh...trigger the next. If I were in that situation, I don't even know if I could have trusted me.  
  
At first I really wanted to catch his ass to please Daddy and Raines and I just loved the thrill of the chase. I never imagined it would be dragged out into a four year game of cat and mouse. Sylvester and Tweety. There I go. That's what spending too much time with Broots does.  
  
I admired how he could still help me search for my own personal truths even after everything. I haven't exactly been the nicest person to him, holding a gun on him any chance I get, yet still he helps me. Still, he always saves me. I haven't really ever been nice to anyone. He's always been in my grasp, I just have never outstretched my hand far enough to reach.   
  
Even in the beginning, I knew I had to catch him, I was supposed to catch him. That doesn't really mean I ever really wanted to. Hell, I had him right in front of me and I could have easily shot and wounded him, and just as easily killed him so many times. Once Sydney asked me why. "I just missed, Sydney. No more, no less."I said in response, but I think he knew better. He's the damn shrink after all, he's paid to be perceptive. Although, I'd never willingly admit that to him, let alone admit it to myself. Well, guess what, Parker? You just did.  
  
So I uncuffed him and told him to go. He seemed extremely confused that I would just let him walk out. "Leave or I swear to god I'll shoot you where you stand!" I yelled. And he did. He ran out of here like a bat out of hell and didn't look back. For all he knew it was a trap. The only one who is trapped now is me.   
  
My phone rang and I brought it to my ear annoyed. "What?!" I snapped. "I couldn't find him. It seems like we just missed him." I hung up and sighed.  
  
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